——– Original Message ——–
Subject: MCG: Fun Exclusion Zone?
Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:25:38 +1100

While retarded monkeys, the daughters of bloated egomaniacs and phone text addicts all chimed in to tell us how to ‘reinvent the game of cricket’ this week, all in the name of somehow restoring its status in Australia, Cricket Australia and the MCC did their very best it seems, to ensure this would not be an easy task by once again employing their “zero tolerance” policy toward cricket fans actually trying to bring some personality back into the stands.

While 2 visiting kiwi’s were ejected for a blatantly obvious joke sign from 7-11 ‘supporting Indians all over the world’, and others were ejected for standing on their seat to celebrate a century by one of Australia’s greatest opening batsmen, several makers of rollercoaster restraint harnesses were rubbing their hands with glee over the potential new contract to install their pull down overhead restraint systems to every seat inside the G.

Unconfirmed reports have been rife that the MCC has been drafting a request for tenders to install the restraint systems usually employed on rides that actually provide non-stop entertainment from the moment you get on. Despite cricket’s obvious lack of ‘non-stop entertainment’, the aging MCC board have apparently unanimously agreed it is the only way to save the purity of the game.

Personally, I’m all for the restraint system, because once the MCC has successfully alienated all potential visitors to “the greatest stadium on earth” (*cough*), and everybody just stays home and streaks across their own living room, they will be forced to make use of these restraint systems by turning the G into one giant “Gravitron”. Just imagine how exciting cricket will be to watch when you are spinning around and around and around. Each level could spin in opposite directions, so on those days when it’s not a sellout, you can mix it up, by moving between levels. Who needs the wave then?

And here’s the icing on the cake. each bay will be repainted black or red with a giant number painted under the seats. The MCC will then run an online betting roulette game. Punters can place bets on what bay the cricket ball will land in for every six hit in the match. Given the popularity of online gambling, this will make the MCC and Cricket Australia a BOMB.

So bring on the restraints i say. “It’s good for cricket!”

Brian Lara was presented with a sculpture by a local artist which commemorated his record breaking innings.

At this function:

• I spoke to, was photographed with, and got the autograph of Brian Lara
• I spoke to Mervyn Dillon
• I spoke briefly to Imran Khan (WI media liason… not the former Pakistani cricketer)
• I spoke to several members of the coaching staff… including Bennet King
• I spoke to the powers that be at Angostura here in Australia, in an attempt to get them to better market the rums here
• I met Melbourne radio “personality”, Stick Moribo
• I drank 9 rums (the good stuff… Angostura 1919) and 3 shooters

Needless to say… I’m pretty hammered at the moment and am about to get some sleep before I need to get up for work in the morning… but I HAVE to post this blog before I do so… who knows what I’ll remember, or NOT remember in the morning.

Then there was the cricket, which in the end was a bit of a one sided affair with ICC ROC XI defeating the ACC XI by 112 runs, but there were highlights aplenty.

Cricketing Highlights

• ROC Batting
• Ponting’s Man-of-the-match effort making 115 off 102
• Cairns making 69 of 47 balls
• Lara getting a half-century (even if it was a bit slow… relatively speaking)
• Asia Bowling
• Muralitharan’s warm welcome to the MCG, a ground and fans he’s probably grown to hate due to a few nasty chucking incidences… sorry, “alleged” chucking incidences
• ROC Bowling
• Warnie’s return to one-day cricket, and him getting a wicket with his second ball
• Steve Waugh taking the feel in place of Brian Lara and getting many oportunities to show that he’s still quite capable in the field despite his official status as “retired”
• Chris Gayle’s efforts in the field… quite impressive
• Asia Batting
• Another warm welcome for Murali
• Ummm… no… gome blank here… can’t think of any others… Asia really needed Tendulka

Non-cricket Highlights

• Watching the poor bastards at the southern-end changing seats after almost EVERY ball when Vettori was bowling thanks to the combination of Left-Rights batsman, and their insistance on getting singles… which meant the sight-screen had to be moved almost EVERY ball… which meant those people sitting where their view became obstucted, had to move to where they could see i.e. where the screen had been just before
• The beach balls which were hit around the crowd were amusing… but the blow-up doll which was knocked about for sometime was very good value
• Getting out of the car-park and home in a mere 30 minutes… a new personal-best

My final highlight from today’s activities… the songs that were played over the PA system when a batsman comes out, or when a bowler begins a spell… some interesting selections, but that’s not really what I’m getting at. These songs, along with some of the great 80′s rock I heard on the radio sitting in traffic trying to get to the cricket (ABC Radio‘s reception left much to be desired in the CBD), made me wonder “What think what song(s) would I chose as my intro theme?”

Some that come to mind, but that I wouldn’t want to lock-in just yet.

• Kick Start My Heart – Motley Crue
• F111 Love Missile – Sigue Sigue Sputnik
• Surfing With The Alien – Joe Satriani
• I Would Love To – Steve Vai
• Twisted – Skunk Anansie

I’ll have to give this some more thought… should probably be a U2 song in there perhaps… but there’s a meme in this.
So…

What song(s) would YOU like playing when you enter a full stadium?

Suprising considering England are supposedly in a position to beat Australia “dethrone Australia in the upcoming Ashes series.

South Africa aren’t all that great at the moment, ranked 7th on the ICC one-day international (ODI) championship table, so the absence of South Africans from the squad isn’t too surprising but with England at #2 on the ICC Test Championship table (2nd to Australia) and at #4 on the ODI rankings, one would expect it to field more than the one player token player. Where’s Vaughan, Strauss and Flintoff? And why aren’t the media asking these questions?

Surely a “Rest of the World” team should include the “best cricketer in the world”