Blood on the Tiles

While I suspected as much to be true, yesterday morning I had it confirmed that:

  • It’s quite easy to slip in the bath/shower
  • In a one-on-one battle between the human head and the corner of a vanity unit, the head will lose
  • Speaking of losing stuff… consciousness…
  • A cut just above the right temple will bleed A LOT
  • Your wife WILL scream your name when she comes in and finds your lifeless body hanging out of the bath with a pool of blood on the floor under your head
  • Understandably, children that see their bleeding father laying on the bathroom floor will become emotional
  • It does seem like forever before the ambulance arrives
  • You do start to consider all the things you’ll miss if you die
  • You will make a conscious effort to stay awake
  • The ambulance officers, having seen much worse in their line of work may describe the two inch cut as “just a graze” and may opt not to take you to the hospital, but that you take a day or two off work
  • This will all occur in the brief period between your ambulance subscription lapsing and you getting the Medicare cheques back which allow you to renew your membership
  • That will not matter because you’ll be grateful for still being alive
  • During your enforced day-off you’ll happily spend as much time with your family, playing chess, monopoly and UNO all day
  • Chewing may cause the wound to reopen
  • You may discover a bruised rib and knee when it’s time to go to bed
  • You may find it difficult to sleep as you can’t rest your head on one side

I’ve considered my own mortality a few times over the years, usually when a friend has died at a young age, but it’s different when you’re laying on the floor, holding a towel to your head trying to stop the bleeding… it’s no longer a philosophical consideration, it’s a real-time, real-life one.

Oh… and another thing… the pool of blood WILL stain the grout between the tiles on the bathroom floor.

Happy 60th Birthday Tato

Drawing of Tato

Tatiana’s (my six year old daughter) drawing of her grandfather

Yesterday my father, my tato, turned 60. He’s most definitely a very young sixty though… in mind and manner anyway… his body has started to show the effects of quite a hard life.

Born on the 14th of June back in 1945 in what was then called Yugoslavia, life wasn’t easy.

He came to Australia in the early 70’s, got married and started a family.

Tato smoking and playing his guitar

Smokin’ and playing his guitar back in the 70’s

I owe so much of what I am to my dad. The sacrifices he made for his family went largely unrecognised by me (and my sisters I’m sure) until I experienced fatherhood for myself. Only then did I really start to comprehend just what he had done, what he had gone without to ensure that we had a better life than he had when he was growing up.

Well… this is just a small thank you to tato, Stefan Kekoc, for all that he has done and given to me. He’s been a great father, and a wonderful role model to base my fatherhood on.

Happy Birthday Tato.

Survivor: Parental

While tending to one of my parental duties tonight, I thought back to tonight’s episode of Survivor: Palau and put it into the context of the last 24 hours of my life.

So as I wash washing my one year old’s dirty nappies which had accumulated of the past 5 or so days, scrubbing them clean of the poo riddled with undigested corn and grain from the stupid multigrain bread my wife insists on feeding the kids (word of advice – hold off the multigrain until the kids are toilet-trained), I’m thinking “This is worse than any immunity challenge on Survivor. I could almost fill a whole show with parental chores that millions of us do every day which would make those guys and girls on Survivor run screaming”.

Based on the chores I’ve done in the past day, I came up with a handful of Reward and/or Immunity Challenges.

Nappy Wash: You have to rinse, scrub, soak and wash a bucket full of your one year old’s dirty nappies which have accumulated over the past 5-7 days. You’ll have to battle the stench or urine and faeces, and the ammonium like sting the stale urine delivers to your eyes. If your able to wash these nappies without any of them not needing a rewash, you’ll win immunity… immunity from having to rewash the same nappy any more than you have to. This challenge would eliminate any non-parents, most first time fathers and some first time mothers purely on the smell factor. Those fathers that can handle the smell would surely be knocked out on the no-rewash condition. I dried reached every time I had to change a dirty nappy with my eldest, and am only now going a wash or two without needing to resoak at least one nappy.

Vomit Cleanup: You have to cleanup after your 4 year throws up in bed… twice, cleaning him up and changing the bedding while trying not to disturb his one year old sister who’s sleeping in the same room and trying not to throw up yourself. Should you succeed, you’re reward is keeping down dinner and not having to try to settle a screaming one year old in the middle of the night.

These are just two of the types challenges that parents are required to face on a day-to-day basis, and they’re just what I experience in the last 24 hours. I’m sure I could get together enough material to fill an entire series… the problem however might be getting people willing to do it for money… we’re all too busy just doing it because we have to.