MCG: Fun Exclusion Zone?

One of the guys from Collective Apathy has asked me to post a rant on my site… seems that the Collective Apathy site is still down, denying Shovel of his outlet. So here is his rant, in full and unedited.

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: MCG: Fun Exclusion Zone?
Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:25:38 +1100

While retarded monkeys, the daughters of bloated egomaniacs and phone text addicts all chimed in to tell us how to ‘reinvent the game of cricket’ this week, all in the name of somehow restoring its status in Australia, Cricket Australia and the MCC did their very best it seems, to ensure this would not be an easy task by once again employing their “zero tolerance” policy toward cricket fans actually trying to bring some personality back into the stands.

While 2 visiting kiwi’s were ejected for a blatantly obvious joke sign from 7-11 ‘supporting Indians all over the world’, and others were ejected for standing on their seat to celebrate a century by one of Australia’s greatest opening batsmen, several makers of rollercoaster restraint harnesses were rubbing their hands with glee over the potential new contract to install their pull down overhead restraint systems to every seat inside the G.

Unconfirmed reports have been rife that the MCC has been drafting a request for tenders to install the restraint systems usually employed on rides that actually provide non-stop entertainment from the moment you get on. Despite cricket’s obvious lack of ‘non-stop entertainment’, the aging MCC board have apparently unanimously agreed it is the only way to save the purity of the game.

Personally, I’m all for the restraint system, because once the MCC has successfully alienated all potential visitors to “the greatest stadium on earth” (*cough*), and everybody just stays home and streaks across their own living room, they will be forced to make use of these restraint systems by turning the G into one giant “Gravitron”. Just imagine how exciting cricket will be to watch when you are spinning around and around and around. Each level could spin in opposite directions, so on those days when it’s not a sellout, you can mix it up, by moving between levels. Who needs the wave then?

And here’s the icing on the cake. each bay will be repainted black or red with a giant number painted under the seats. The MCC will then run an online betting roulette game. Punters can place bets on what bay the cricket ball will land in for every six hit in the match. Given the popularity of online gambling, this will make the MCC and Cricket Australia a BOMB.

So bring on the restraints i say. “It’s good for cricket!”