MCG: Fun Exclusion Zone?

One of the guys from Collective Apathy has asked me to post a rant on my site… seems that the Collective Apathy site is still down, denying Shovel of his outlet. So here is his rant, in full and unedited.

——– Original Message ——–
Subject: MCG: Fun Exclusion Zone?
Date: Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:25:38 +1100

While retarded monkeys, the daughters of bloated egomaniacs and phone text addicts all chimed in to tell us how to ‘reinvent the game of cricket’ this week, all in the name of somehow restoring its status in Australia, Cricket Australia and the MCC did their very best it seems, to ensure this would not be an easy task by once again employing their “zero tolerance” policy toward cricket fans actually trying to bring some personality back into the stands.

While 2 visiting kiwi’s were ejected for a blatantly obvious joke sign from 7-11 ‘supporting Indians all over the world’, and others were ejected for standing on their seat to celebrate a century by one of Australia’s greatest opening batsmen, several makers of rollercoaster restraint harnesses were rubbing their hands with glee over the potential new contract to install their pull down overhead restraint systems to every seat inside the G.

Unconfirmed reports have been rife that the MCC has been drafting a request for tenders to install the restraint systems usually employed on rides that actually provide non-stop entertainment from the moment you get on. Despite cricket’s obvious lack of ‘non-stop entertainment’, the aging MCC board have apparently unanimously agreed it is the only way to save the purity of the game.

Personally, I’m all for the restraint system, because once the MCC has successfully alienated all potential visitors to “the greatest stadium on earth” (*cough*), and everybody just stays home and streaks across their own living room, they will be forced to make use of these restraint systems by turning the G into one giant “Gravitron”. Just imagine how exciting cricket will be to watch when you are spinning around and around and around. Each level could spin in opposite directions, so on those days when it’s not a sellout, you can mix it up, by moving between levels. Who needs the wave then?

And here’s the icing on the cake. each bay will be repainted black or red with a giant number painted under the seats. The MCC will then run an online betting roulette game. Punters can place bets on what bay the cricket ball will land in for every six hit in the match. Given the popularity of online gambling, this will make the MCC and Cricket Australia a BOMB.

So bring on the restraints i say. “It’s good for cricket!”

Brian Lara 400 Not Out

I had the pleasure, no, honour, of attending a function put on by Angostura and the Australian West Indian community at Crown to pay tribute to Brian Lara on his record breaking 400 not out scored in Antigua in April 2004.

Brian Lara was presented with a sculpture by a local artist which commemorated his record breaking innings.

At this function:

  • I spoke to, was photographed with, and got the autograph of Brian Lara
  • I spoke to Mervyn Dillon
  • I spoke briefly to Imran Khan (WI media liason… not the former Pakistani cricketer)
  • I spoke to several members of the coaching staff… including Bennet King
  • I spoke to the powers that be at Angostura here in Australia, in an attempt to get them to better market the rums here
  • I met Melbourne radio “personality”, Stick Moribo
  • I drank 9 rums (the good stuff… Angostura 1919) and 3 shooters

Needless to say… I’m pretty hammered at the moment and am about to get some sleep before I need to get up for work in the morning… but I HAVE to post this blog before I do so… who knows what I’ll remember, or NOT remember in the morning.

ICC XI vs Asian XI

The ICC has announced the “Rest of the World” squad which will take on an Asian XI in the first of two matchs organised to raise funds for the victims of the Boxing Day Tsunami. All the interest seems to be on Warnie’s return to one-day cricket for the event, however I’m more interested in the noticable lack of South Africans and Englishmen. Not a single South African was named in the squad, and only one Englishman made the 12 man squad.

Suprising considering England are supposedly in a position to beat Australia “dethrone Australia in the upcoming Ashes series.

South Africa aren’t all that great at the moment, ranked 7th on the ICC one-day international (ODI) championship table, so the absence of South Africans from the squad isn’t too surprising but with England at #2 on the ICC Test Championship table (2nd to Australia) and at #4 on the ODI rankings, one would expect it to field more than the one player token player. Where’s Vaughan, Strauss and Flintoff? And why aren’t the media asking these questions?

Surely a “Rest of the World” team should include the “best cricketer in the world