Yesterday, a friend started spewing forth platitude upon platitude… many of which were so good, I felt compelled to record them to share with the world.
The titles have been added to give an idea of the context of the discussion which inspired the platitudes.
The platitudes listed have been grouped by topics, and arranged in chronolgical order… for the most part.
Hope you enjoy the pure brilliance of the following platitudes.
NB: The author has requested that his identity remain a secret.
* Don’t ask a blind man to show you the way!
Living in the past:
* Just because you had hair in the past, doesn’t mean bald wont be cool in the future.
* Live in the now, not the Then!
“Bald is cool”:
* Social perception and Temperature are two different beasts, and one does not imply the other.
* Unfortunately an elegant tool does not always make for an elegant artisan.
* A man with a bald head and hair, is a deluded man.
* One may argue a standing argument is no different that sitting bull
* Living vicariously through other doubles the failures you experience.
Clarity of Speech:
* A man who mumbles to himself does not know what he is talking about.
* If you look at the stairs going upward, you will miss the people going the other way.
* An unrelated doll is a valuable asset in the Appellation Mountains, even more so if she can play the banjo.
* The weapon is but as good as the hand with which it is wielded.
When no other route is possible the double entendre shows the way ahead.
Getting the job done:
* It is a waste of time to show how its done when that time could be used just doing it.
* You may damn all days but you are the one who must live them.
* A friendly greeting is no harder than an unfriendly one, but will more often receive a friendly reply. Hello
* There is more than one way to transfer knowledge from a book to the head.
* Belittlement is often only a cover for jealousy.
* Those who seek to find fault with others are often hiding their own.
* One who is quick to delight in the mistakes of others may view the world though the watery sight often associated with a punch in the nose.
* To play god in a world in which no one lives is to be like a man in an empty brothel.
* If an icon cannot at least be an example then of what use is it.
* The best place to bring down an icon is from within.
* Wisdom may spring from many unlikely places, we all have our individual fonts from which it may spring.
* There is much wisdom to be gained in what someone deems worthwhile to be scrawl on a wall.
A man who concedes to a fool is wise indeed.
* To deny your self is is but too fool one person, seeking to deny others is but deluded folly.
The Sound of One Hand Clapping:
* Alone you hear the sound of one hand clapping, is that because your not man enough to use two?
* Silence may be golden, but without wisdom it is but fools gold.
* Man who keeps mouth shut has either something within he doesn’t want to let out, or something without he doesn’t want to let in.
Cross the line:
* If you divide your life into lines you shouldn’t cross you will become boxed in.
* A fox may be a cunning animal, but linguistically it fails to please.
* To go some place just to queue, is like going to bed just to hug.
* As hot air will always rise, those who seek to cool it must always sink.
* One who is a premium platitude purveyor, should also be capable of amiable alliterations.
Man vs Machine:
* If there is any difference between a man and a machine, it is merely which buttons to push and where to rub the oil.
* If God were to pull the plug, would we be running around in the dark? If so, what would be the difference?
* While it may seem brilliant at first, to much brilliance will make you go blind!
* Although in theory antidisestablishmentarianism may seem like a good idea, without the correct establishments where do you buy beer?
* Some people are anti-dis-establishmentarians, but few are aniti-that-establishmentarians.
* One who is pro status quo may be shocked when their world goes down like a led zeppelin.
Light vs Dark:
* People think darkness is the absence of light, only the keen mind considers that light may be the absence of darkness.
* All knowledge, facts and truths are as tenuous as the gossamer threads of a spiders web, only misconception is eternal.