Blood on the Tiles

While I suspected as much to be true, yesterday morning I had it confirmed that:

  • It’s quite easy to slip in the bath/shower
  • In a one-on-one battle between the human head and the corner of a vanity unit, the head will lose
  • Speaking of losing stuff… consciousness…
  • A cut just above the right temple will bleed A LOT
  • Your wife WILL scream your name when she comes in and finds your lifeless body hanging out of the bath with a pool of blood on the floor under your head
  • Understandably, children that see their bleeding father laying on the bathroom floor will become emotional
  • It does seem like forever before the ambulance arrives
  • You do start to consider all the things you’ll miss if you die
  • You will make a conscious effort to stay awake
  • The ambulance officers, having seen much worse in their line of work may describe the two inch cut as “just a graze” and may opt not to take you to the hospital, but that you take a day or two off work
  • This will all occur in the brief period between your ambulance subscription lapsing and you getting the Medicare cheques back which allow you to renew your membership
  • That will not matter because you’ll be grateful for still being alive
  • During your enforced day-off you’ll happily spend as much time with your family, playing chess, monopoly and UNO all day
  • Chewing may cause the wound to reopen
  • You may discover a bruised rib and knee when it’s time to go to bed
  • You may find it difficult to sleep as you can’t rest your head on one side

I’ve considered my own mortality a few times over the years, usually when a friend has died at a young age, but it’s different when you’re laying on the floor, holding a towel to your head trying to stop the bleeding… it’s no longer a philosophical consideration, it’s a real-time, real-life one.

Oh… and another thing… the pool of blood WILL stain the grout between the tiles on the bathroom floor.